This is an article Mike recently had published in the BSG magazine.
I have to
say straight away that Scotland
So when
Frankie was invited to Aberdeen
This piece
is not about the wonderfully friendly Sugarcraft ladies from both cities, it is
not about the diversity of architecture of Aberdeen
and Elgin
It was certainly
an odd few hours - although that might be an understatement; a little like saying
that the wedding of Kate and William was slightly extravagant.
Of course,
it could also easily be an overstatement, my perception on these things is
somewhat hazy at times – we’ll just have to see, I suppose.
The day
started normally enough – we were on holiday finally, after working for a few
days and the three of us (and the dog – mustn’t forget the dog!) decided that a
drive to Ballater, a nice walk in some wonderful scenery and a spot of lunch
would be in order.
I had found
a road on the map that looked interesting; it ended up in the middle of nowhere
around the back of the Balmoral Estate at a Loch called Muick in Glen Muick and
was at the beginning of the eastern end of the Cairngorms. There was nothing
beyond it apart from Country. Miles and miles of Country – mountains, moors,
rivers and, hopefully, not too many people.
It’s not
that I don’t like people, individually, but when they get together they seem to
become an entity rather than just a lot of ‘persons’. It’s like one wasp on its
own is sort of ok, but you wouldn’t want an entire swarm anywhere near you.
Anyway, I
had found this road and having partaken of a lunch in the delightfully
overestimated cuteness of Ballater - there’s a Shopping Mall there for goodness
sake! Ok, only three shops in it, but a mall in a tiny village is never the
less pushing the definition tourism in the wee place just a little too far – we
took a leisurely drive over the bridge into what the road sign called South Deeside .
Now, to me,
that just sounds industrial! South Deeside - like South
Merseyside or Thameside, which always makes me think of Wapping.
The truth was entirely different. We were in very beautiful surroundings of
mixed woodland on a single lane road just approaching the foothills of the Cairngorm Mountains . The traffic was light and there were
ample passing places along it to allow oncoming traffic to pass.
And that was
exactly what I did when I saw the large black Range Rover beetling its way down
the lane. The driver gave me a stunning smile, a wave of his hand and mouthed
“Thank you” before driving politely past.
It was
Prince Charles.
Like two
gunslingers in a western shootout, Frankie and her sister Anne pawed for their
cell phones, within a split second texts were on their way around the world….
“You’ll
never guess who we just saw…”
My only
thought, other than to marvel at the speed at which mobile phones had been located,
loaded and fired, was to wonder if Prince Charles was saying “Was that Mike
Kelly? It was…I’m sure that was Mike Kelly…”
The
weirdness had begun.
In a few
minutes though, we were really in the Country. Deciduous trees had given way to
Coniferous forest which had now yielded to open Scottish Moorland. Breathtaking
views around each corner became different each time the sun pierced through the
scudding clouds creating rainbows on the autumn sky and coruscating across the
distant loch and rivers. The girls were finally quiet which either meant that
they were as gobsmacked as I hoped they would be or the mobile signal had been
lost.
After a few
miles we reached the visitor centre car park, even out this far there were
tourist pennies to be taken, but I felt that it was ok out here. An ancient
crofting village had been preserved, real people still lived and worked here,
but the visitor centre was a very real attempt at education, conservation and
maintenance of the area and three pounds wasn’t too much to pay for that.
As I was
putting my money into the machine and marvelling at the dozen or so cars in the
car park – what were all these people doing out here? – I looked down. There
was a piece of paper lodged between the ticket machine and the longish grass
growing tight against it. It was a ten pound note. A Scottish ten pound note, but
real money none the less. That was nice, not life changing you understand, but
a bit like finding money in a pair of jeans you haven’t worn for a while or
discovering that there’s still one last custard cream in the corner of the
biscuit tin that you missed earlier. I strolled back to the car thinking that
it was turning out to be a very nice day thank you very much and a nice long
walk now would be the icing on the cake. Annie asked if she could stay in the
car while we took Basil the dog for a walk. She wanted to relax (sleep) and I
think that she thought it might rain. Actually, that’s a pretty good mind set
to have in Scotland Scotland Loch .
A mile or so
along I spotted a lone figure walking towards us. Clad in green wellies, olive
green jacket and hat she was walking with a good pace and purposeful stride.
“That’s
Camilla.” I thought to myself. Frankie was pre-occupied with Basil who had yet
to grace us with his daily gift of a perfectly formed poo. “That’s Camilla and
I don’t know how to address her. Is that Camilla? It is, oh my God it’s Camilla
– what do I say?” my thoughts continued to race as the figure approached.
It made
perfect sense to me that Camilla should be out here; I didn’t once stop to
think that it was strange to see her. This was where she lived and if I lived
here I would be out all day everyday. If this was my back garden I would spend
as much time out in it as possible – that didn’t strike me as unusual. Neither
did her lack of companions, she was alone and looked hale and hearty, happy to
be alive and unconcerned about her solitude, maybe she felt the same about
people as I do. No, all I could think about was what to say to her. Frankie was
still unaware of the proximity of Royalty right up until I said the only thing
that I could think of at that particular moment, which was;
“Ooo hello,
we’ve just seen your husband.”
At this
point Frankie looked up expecting to see someone we knew or at the very least
someone I knew. It had happened before and strangely with the same sister in
the same country.
We were
staying near Loch Tummel and had spent a wonderful day around Rannoch Moor and
Loch Rannoch spotting salmon leaping in the falls, red deer
It was a
touch surreal because the thing one most tries to forget whilst on vacation is
work, but it does seem to be the main encroachment into sleep and thought, for
the first few days at least, until one is sufficiently unwound enough to completely
forget about it. For a colleague to appear in the same Hotel in the same week,
to me, is the stuff of nightmares but Annie seemed rather pleased.
I notice I
have slipped into using the pronoun “One” since mentioning Royalty, I wonder if
I could get away with using the royal “we” on the odd occasion as well.
“What a
charming dog, I have one of these too” said Camilla, with a smile. I was
considering bowing, but could quite easily have slipped into a curtsey and so
decided to remain upright for the time being.
“Thank you,”
Frankie said, the epitome of cool “he is rather cute.”
I was trying
to choose my next comment, still struggling with ‘Your Grace’ versus ‘Your
Highness’ or maybe just plain ‘Ma’am’ to rhyme with jam not farm, of course,
when I discovered, to my horror that Basil had chosen this moment to relieve
himself of his little package right in front of the future Queen of England. Dumbstruck,
I stuttered an apology, “Oh, it’s ok” said Camilla, completely unfazed before
wishing us good day and striding on.
In a daze I
glanced around looking for a stick to remove said package from the path
swearing at the ignobility of the hound as I did so. Frankie naturally had
drawn her cell phone once more only to discover the continued unavailability of
any network and so our encounter went unbroadcasted for the time being.
Our own walk
continued for a way further but the weirdness was not yet at an end. As we
approached the Loch a piece of crumpled paper
rolled along the heather pushed by the breeze. Muttering something about litter
miles from nowhere, I considered picking it up whilst noticing a familiarity
about its colour. It was a twenty pound note – an English one – wrapped around
a two pence piece that must have fallen from someone’s pocket at some stage
fairly recently as it was only a little damp.
I’m still
not sure what was going on; we considered the possibility of Camilla spreading
the coin of the realm to ease the suffering of us poor middle classes, but
really it was an extreme case of happenstance and anyway I gave the twenty to
Frankie who used three pounds of it to buy us a lottery scratch card each. The
girls won nothing.
I won a
tenner!
 |
| A rather poor photo of Camilla taken after the dog poo was cleared away! |
